Asterisks run amok censor words unfit for Virgin ears

Some English words should be forced to wear skirts and pants, just so readers don’t spot the naughty combinations of letters lurking within. Fortunately, a computer in the service of the British telecom giant Virgin Media has dared to act where the rest of us have complacently dozed.

For several days, a system that was supposed to insert asterisks in any rude words in Virgin’s online television listings went a step further. It began censoring harmless words that, when parsed, triggered the computer’s alarm. Among the victims: a documentary called The Golden Age of Ca**ls (Canals), film director Alfred Hitchc**k, author Charles D**kens and the London football (soccer) team A***nal – sorry, Arsenal. (The computer arguably made that last one worse.)

Virgin issued a statement acknowledging its “temporarily overzealous profanity checker” (must be those Virgin eyes) and joking that “the altered titles have been swiftly an*lyzed.” And, to be fair, the computer was only doing accidentally what late-night U.S. talk-show Jimmy Kimmel Live has been doing intentionally with its long-running “This Week in Unnecessary Censorship” segment, bleeping perfectly harmless speeches to create the illusion of offensiveness.

Indeed, news of the Virgin computer’s philological dig may add a certain frisson to everyday conversations, as those of us customarily insensitive to the words within our words realize how bold we are in fact being. Who will now feed a cockatoo or dicker at a flea market without blushing?

And don’t look to asterisks for help. Six innocent letters in the very word “asterisks” are surrounded by a term of questionable propriety. A swig of something strong – look into Virgin for a clue – might temper the, um, embarrassment.

Original Article
Source: Globe